All was perfect but... ME.

It's been weeks now since I last went online. I'm scared to bump into him. Somehow, although I haven't done anything bad to him, I feel guilty for leading him on. For making him believe that he had a conquest in me. For raising his hopes of ever finding someone again.

It was an instant connection. We share the same views and like the same things. He seem to be a really nice guy. I love the ME that he saw. I was getting to be a better person in his presence. I was doing great!!! I can actually be in a relationship.

Then I got cold feet....

I started to drift away. I just can't stand talking to him. It's like I'm being burned alive. Suddenly, I found fault in the relationship. I found myself feeling inadequate, like I never really wanted to be involved with him or anyone.

Honestly, it was hard for me. It was more like a challenge to myself than being fair to him. I know, I have been grossly unfair. He was my first guinea pig.... It's bad to play with people's feelings, his exact words.... and I have to agree. But I can't force myself to love him, I had to be honest.

And it made me realize that I am not ready for a relationship. No, not yet.

All was perfect but... ME. Maybe that was just it! It has to be perfect for both me and my partner.