Growing Up To Be A User?

USER!!! That's what my friends branded me when they learned about what I did a couple of weeks ago.

Actually, the name is not because I used dope or anything. It's just that....

Well, I was stupid enough to spike my way to a guy's heart. You see, I'm hear-over-heels inlove (!#?! I'm not sure yet of how I feel but for lack of better word, as my limited vocabulary is failing me, allow me to use the word "love".) with AJ. But as all unreciprocated love, he doesn't seem to take notice of me. So I decided to drop hints here and there. hehehe....

That day witnessed my worst attempt to get AJ to notice me. I took advantage of some unsuspecting guy. I used this guy's rather friendly interest in me, to show AJ that I got good qualities that he fails to see. Actually, I didn't really do it consciously. I just realised that I did it to be noticed by AJ after my friends analyzed the incident.

My, am I so guilty! I felt so bad. It was not fair to that nice guy and it was, definitely, not fair to me. I mean, I'm a great girl and all. I don't have to do that! =P hehehe....

I guess, I can never really be a user. No matter how hard I try. Hey, I'm not trying to paint a good picture of me here. It's just that having done what I did made me feel like the real me was inside an ill-fitting shell.

Nah, I'm not trying to exonerate myself. I'm just sure that I will never wanna be that person who spiked her way to someone's life....

Lesson learned.

Auto-Pilot

Know how a life of a automaton is like? =)

Wake up, work, sleep...
Wake up, work, sleep...

Yeah, that kind of routine!

Are you living life like an automaton?

It's like everything in your life is on auto-pilot. You have no actual control over your life. Every movement is like pre-determined. You have no actual participation. You're like watching your own life unfold before you. You're just an spectator of your own life. How miserable!!!

I bet you're on auto-pilot, too.

Life As I Know It

It's kinda funny how a simple thing could touch our lives. I mean, I tend to be melodramatic over everyday happenings. Sometimes, no matter how regular an occurrence is, it just hit you right at where it matters most - your heart.

Just this morning, I saw a child enjoying an ice cream cone. Yeah, as in 8am! What's more, he is oblivious to the heavy traffic and the occasional grunts of people inside the bus.

It was just him and his cone.

Know what!? A thought hit me. He made me realize, though life seem to be bleak in my eyes, it's a matter of pespective.

No, I don't think that one's perspective has got to do with age, sex, circumstance, etc... It's really how you look at things. The boy is at an advantage, because he has not seen much of the world yet. But if you choose to be unaffected the way that boy did, this could be the key to contentment and, perhaps, happiness.

One can choose to look at the brighter side and be happy, no matter what.

Life, as I know it, is very different from that boy's, my friends', the person sitting right next to me in the bus and even from my mom's. But we can all strive for that elusive thing.

Whatever way I look at Life, what counts is how my life touched the lives of others - friends and strangers alike.

So, was I that "little boy" in your life? ;-)

Anticipation

Everyone’s probably asleep at half-past two. I am here wide awake, thinking about you.

I lie awake while the scenes from the past play right before my very eyes. No matter what I do, your image remains clear in my mind. Every single detail, every little creases in your clothes. Beads of sweat on your forehead, even that stray hair in your shirt.

I shook my head real hard. Everything seems so real. It’s as if you are right in front of me.

Will I see you tomorrow? Will I finally see you smile?

Scenes are flashing in my mind. It just kept right on playing. Then, there was nothing but darkness.

Guilt Trip

Kakainis!!! I hate this feeling!

Ayokong ma-feel ito. I hate it when I owe explanations. It feels like someone has power over me.

Ganun nga talaga. If you’re guilty, you tend to explain.

Aye, I am guilty.

Let's See...

I am so waiting for that special moment. Sana mangyari!!!

I am not wishing for a life-changing event. I just want AJ to talk to me. Hear his voice. See his eyes lit with amazement with my poor excuse of an antic. And maybe feel his hand on my shoulder on a simple gesture of friendship.

Friendship? Nah, I want something more but I'm willing to start with being friends.

But all depends on that one "talk"....

Let's see what's gonna happen next....

Something Wonderful

I know... very Judith McNaught. What can i do! I am deliriously happy, I don't even know why. As if my subconscious is waiting for that one "something wonderful" to come my way.

Ei, I'm not trying to be romantic here. I just feel like something wonderful is coming, and it's gonna hit me....

That Fateful Sunday Afternoon

That fateful Sunday afternoon, I subconsciously tried to spike my chances.

That fateful Sunday afternoon, may have ruined all my chances.

That fateful Sunday afternoon, may cause me a lifetime of hurts and disappointments.
That fateful Sunday afternoon, may have changed your vision of me.

That remains to be seen.

AJ

I am fascinated with this one special person.

AJ, if you know how to read, read on... =)

It's been a while since I had a really big crush on someone. I'm so intrigue by your silence that I dream of hearing your voice. I want to hear you talk about anything. I just want to know if that dreamy state you carry on is a sign of intelligence. I want to know... please speak.