In Retrospect...

I may have caused the broken heart he is nursing.

I may have been the reason why he's back at his old self again.

If only I can bring myself to love him the way he want me to...

George's Birthday

In the stillness of the night, there I was waiting for 12 midnight.

"Happy Birthday, George!", I greeted him with every ounce of sweetness found in my body. I touched his hand and started to give him a kiss.

"Darn! Why can't he be with me this year?", I thought. I am always celebrating his name day without him by my side.

I started doing it way back 1990, back in high school. Sick? I could be for doing it since then. I loved him then. I love him now. I'll be loving him forever....

He is the epitome of all that of an ideal partner for me. All other men fall short of his qualities.

He is my one great love....

"Happy Birthday, George!!!"

Now let me go back to sleep.

All was perfect but... ME.

It's been weeks now since I last went online. I'm scared to bump into him. Somehow, although I haven't done anything bad to him, I feel guilty for leading him on. For making him believe that he had a conquest in me. For raising his hopes of ever finding someone again.

It was an instant connection. We share the same views and like the same things. He seem to be a really nice guy. I love the ME that he saw. I was getting to be a better person in his presence. I was doing great!!! I can actually be in a relationship.

Then I got cold feet....

I started to drift away. I just can't stand talking to him. It's like I'm being burned alive. Suddenly, I found fault in the relationship. I found myself feeling inadequate, like I never really wanted to be involved with him or anyone.

Honestly, it was hard for me. It was more like a challenge to myself than being fair to him. I know, I have been grossly unfair. He was my first guinea pig.... It's bad to play with people's feelings, his exact words.... and I have to agree. But I can't force myself to love him, I had to be honest.

And it made me realize that I am not ready for a relationship. No, not yet.

All was perfect but... ME. Maybe that was just it! It has to be perfect for both me and my partner.

My First Valentine With A Special Someone

Yeah, I do.

Even if it's just for show. I mean, we had all this talk about Valentine's Day and how we will spend it. Gifts, flowers, the sort of things that commercializes the day....

Funny thing is, we ended up not spending valentines together. We fought.

It was fun, though. Had a good laugh after all the brouhaha....

Pseudo-Boyfriend

You know the type. Never actually courted you but you just wake up in the morning feeling like you are in a relationship with someone. The signs? He's making demands on your time.... and you gladly give in... as in no struggles... as if he has all the right in the world!

None of both parties would want to ask about commitment. Wanting to be committed but you just can't ask. Too scared to get the "NO!", afraid that whatever it is they are sharing will be all waste....

Og Mandino's Take

"Today I begin a new life. Today I shed my old skin which hath, too long, suffered the bruises of failure and the wounds of mediocrity. Today I am born anew and my birthplace is a vineyard where there is fruit for all."

A Salutation?

Dear Pau,

You have been through every shift, department and companies, and yet, everywhere you are placed, it seems that you exceed the expectations. Continue to be as sweet as you are. You're a great asset to this company, keep up the good work.

Thanks for everything. It's never easy to say goodbye, but this is just see you later.

Continue to learn more, educate yourself in to doing better. Turn yourself into a great ASSET.Wish me luck , pray for me. I WILL SUCCEED.
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I will pray for you. I know God will be with you all the way.
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On a personal note: I am saddened by his leaving... but what can I do!?! Everyone has to move on. I guess, this time is perfect for him to shift. I wonder when will be mine? :)

I'm on GY And I'm High

Yeah, I'm on GY. And it makes me kinda happy to be on GY.

GY? GraveYard shift. What were you thinking? Although, I'm addicted to a lot of things, you know, I can never be on drugs.

Remember how I used to write about my love-hate thing with Friday nights? I don't have idle Friday nights anymore. Why? Well, I am at work on Friday nights. No time for complaining how my Friday night sucks. I have been given a reprieved. hehehehe....

GYs are great. Try it!!!

A Protuding Tummy?

Iww...

I have been religiously working out. I feel I have lost weight, how come my tummy's not it's normal not-attracting-attention (well, it's neither flat or bulging before) self.

The scales just said I lost 2 lbs., how come you're protruding?

Got A Thought to Ponder???

Take a look at this:

"You seem most interested in the very person who is not the least bit interested in you."

Hmmm....

I Need You To Be Honest

Is that too much to ask??

I just don't want you insulting my intelligence. I just don't.

I understand why you feel that you have to keep the truth from me. Spare me from pain? But I am suffering now.

I am ready to hear it. Why can't you just say it? I can handle the truth. It's your silence that's killing me.

I see it in everything in you and in everything you do. Why can't you just say it?

Why???